October 25.

One year ago today, at 6:44pm, I became a mama. 

Isaac came flying into my life and wrecked me in the greatest way possible. Our little family grew from a pair into a trio, but it was an absolutely perfect fit. Those first few weeks are just a blurred haze of sweet cuddles and stolen naps. I was exhausted, but life was full. Nowadays, you are a giggly, outgoing boy who loves giving kisses, swinging, and eating french fries. It is my favorite "age"so far and I am expecting things to get even better from here.

There were plenty of tough days. Worries and anxiety wrecked my mind over every simple thing. There were struggles within myself and the little difficulties that come with raising another person. I was clueless and you still loved me. I made mistakes and am certain to make more. I'm far from a perfect mama, but I've only ever wanted to be your mama.

And here we are, 365 days into our journey together. Days filled with cuddles and laughter. Tears and kisses. Bumps and bruises. Hair loss and baby bangs. Great night sleeps and awful naps. Stinky diapers and fun bath times. Love, love, and more love.

You filled my heart with joy in ways I'd never experienced outside of motherhood.

You have taught me that everything is washable.

I've learned to appreciate every little day, for it only happens once.

I have been richly blessed and I am endlessly grateful.

Miscellaneous Monday Musings

• On Friday, I will have a one year old. ONE. 12 months. 52 weeks. 365 days. Why does it feel like all the air just sucked out of the room?! Where did the last year go? 
• I really need to call and reschedule Isaac's 12 month well child check up. It'll be the third time I've had to reschedule since making the appointment. Whoops! Hopefully I don't run out of do-overs, or at least don't talk to the same receptionist every time. 
• I have been a major procrastinator in all things first birthday party prep. I felt a little ridiculous thinking about birthday things when Isaac was 6 months old, but then at 11 months, I kept telling myself I have a ton of time to get things together. Now I've got 5 days. Time to throw the Pinterest ideas out the window and commence crazylady mode. 
• On top of Isaac's party, I'm also throwing a baby shower for a friend in a few weeks! Shoulda made her invites... oh... like yesterday. 
• On top of these parties, tomorrow I start orienting a new graduate nurse to the wild & crazy world of Labor & Delivery. We'll be paired up for the next few months and over the course of our time together, I'll impart every morsel of wisdom I have upon her. And hopefully she won't run away screaming. It should be fun! 
• And then rounding out my too-much-on-my-plate-kinda-life, I'm in full swing planning mode for this year's Girls Retreat. We'll be working through the book Gods at War by Kyle Idleman, which I have recommended to anyone who will pay attention. It's incredible - one of those painful but good kinda shakeups... and yet, it's written with lots of great anecdotes and funny moments, which makes for an easy & enticing read. I hope the girls enjoy it as much as I did. 
• I never had a SINGLE problem last week after dropping breastfeeding. No engorgement. No leakage. No Isaac problems. It was easier than I could have ever imagined and I feel like I'm out of the woods regarding those uncomfortable issues. I've even started introducing whole milk mixed in with frozen breast milk and Isaac has taken to it really easily. Totally awesome & two thumbs up. On the negative side, I've had one two THREE bags of frozen milk with a hole, which turns the thawing process into a huge mess. How did that happen? Thumbs down.
• I ran my scheduled 7 miler this weekend. It was nice to finish in less time than it took me to run 6.4 miles the week before. Maybe my half marathon time goal isn't so far off base after all. I am already dreading the thought of running 8 miles this week. To ice bath or not to ice bath? That is the $10 question. Those of you seasoned runners, what distance do you start with the ice baths? Or do you ice bath at all? Can I say ice bath one more time? Ice bath. Ice bath. Ice bath. 
• I beat my husband and retained my first place status last week in fantasy football. It wasn't the face-stomping I was hoping for, but a win is a win. Of course, I'm currently in the middle of another week and another opponent which I may or may not beat depending on how tonight's game plays out. Fingers crossed.

• I love y'all and all.... but I gotta get back to party prep. 

Bye Bye Breastfeeding and other weekend events

So last week ended up being link-up central around these parts. Midweek confessions, #onebigtruth, and SUYL, olé! While they're all significant to me in my life at this time, it's also nice just to sit & chat for a minute.

For the first time in a long time, this weekend had nearly nothing on its agenda. And that was awesome. Jordan and I were able to steal away a night alone and ate a delicious dinner baby-free. In true parent fashion, we spent the majority of the meal talking about how cool our kid is. Because, well, he is. And what else do supercool parents do on a date night? Go to Target of course. After dropping some major cash on things like sippy cups and shower gifts, we went home and rescued our valiant babysitters from Mauve.

After a lovely and relaxing night out, I got up before the sun (and my son) did and went on a run with one of my half-marathon training friends. You know how sometimes, during a run you feel like you could go 1,000 miles and still have energy left over? And sometimes you feel like every step is a physical and mental battle? This run was definitely NOT the 1,000-mile-and-still-have-energy-left type of run. It was humid. It was hot. I literally got a dozen mosquito bites. It was my toughest run to date. Slowly, but surely, we churned out 6 and a half miles. I'm not proud of my time, but I am proud of finishing. Plus, it totally justified a cupcake at the baby shower I attended Saturday afternoon. This week's schedule is 3 miles / 3 miles / 7 miles. I'm confident after finishing this weekend's run, that 7 will happen. I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can...

Mommy + Isaac photo session after a sweet shower for baby Grace

There's another significant thing that happened this weekend: I stopped breastfeeding. Saturday night was my last nursing session with Isaac and it was sweet. There are lots and lots of reasons why I chose now to be the end, but essentially (and without long explanations), it just felt right. He did wonderfully well transitioning from 3 nursing sessions per day, to two sessions and one bottle, to one session and two bottles, to done! I'm thankful to have a plentiful stash of frozen milk to carry him through the end of his first year without needing any kind of supplementation. I'll probably even have enough to make one final donation to the milk bank. Surprisingly, not only has Isaac done incredibly well with this new transition, but I'm feeling really fantastic about things as well. I assumed I would be a basket case on Saturday night after that very last feeding, but I think the perfect word to describe my state of being is nostalgic. It was an incredible end to an incredible journey.

I know everyone is on pins & needles to hear how my fantasy football week ended up after I confessed my (ahem) unhealthy obsession with winning. Or perhaps I'm the only one who's on pins & needles. Of course, the week doesn't end until MNF is over and done. Unfortunately, it's not going to be the face-stomping I was hoping for. (Maybe this isn't such a good thing for my marriage...). In fact, it's going to be really close. Really really close. And because I'm all played out, I just get to watch my husband rack up the points tonight and feel utterly helpless, which isn't the most awesome position to be in.

See? I'm so verklempt, I'm ending sentences with prepositions.

Working Moms Unite!

If you're over from Kelly's Korner, then welcome! I'm excited to be connecting today with other working moms across the interwebz. It seems like in the social circles I frequent, that the SAHM is the glorified, superior form of a mom, but not all of us have the luxury of staying at home... or the desire to stay at home. And that is OHHH-KAY. I adore being a mom to my son and I love my job!

If you are new to this corner of the blogosphere, here's a quick little pinch of info about me:

source

I'm a mom AND I'm a Labor & Delivery nurse and I love it! I've been a nurse since 2006 and specifically in L&D since 2007. I couldn't see myself being as happy or fulfilled in any other realm of nursing - I seriously adore being an L&D nurse. It is exciting and fast-paced and heartwarming and sometimes devastating. Every day, I get to be an integral part in a family's most exciting and life-changing days. It's an honor, really. Each day is completely different with unique patients and challenges. Aside from simply laboring patients, I also get to work in the OR when there's a c-section, and I get to flex my triage muscles when patients come in with various pregnancy-related complaints. I work at a hospital in Corpus Christi that delivers around 300 babies per month. I've worked at hospitals that deliver twice as many and at hospitals that deliver a fraction of that amount. No matter the pace, it's all the same goal: healthy mom and healthy baby.

Of course, being a mom who works outside the home has it's downsides. Because we don't put my son in daycare (except for mother's day out when it's offered), I really only work on the days my husband is off. And I'm home on the days he is at work. Sometimes it feels like we're "two ships passing in the night." Because of this, I've become very protective of our family time. Then of course, it absolutely hurts my heart to leave before my son wakes up and get home after bedtime. A day will come where I will miss an important holiday because I'm working. Shift work is just not family friendly.

It's such a trade-off being a working mom. On both sides of the coin (SAHM vs Working Mom) there are big sacrifices. For me, I don't see it as trading "time with my son" for "money and prestige." (prestige and nursing? that's a laugh.) Being a nurse is almost as much of a ministry as being a loving momma and wife! It really is exceptionally difficult to spend the day apart from my little guy, and at the same time, I really do feel proud of my contribution to our family. I hope my son grows up to see both his father and mother working hard to provide a nice life for him. With God's grace, I surely hope to be both an awesome mom AND an awesome labor & delivery nurse.

#onebigtruth

Today I'm participating in a fun link-up with Courtney's blog called #onebigtruth. The premise is simple: share a before and after photo of yourself revealing a big truth that God has taught you recently --or over your lifetime! It's all about being encouraged by each other and visibly seeing God moving through our lives. 

So here's what I've been learning over the past year:

Like any well-meaning mom, my desire is to show Christ to my son. To live it, to talk about it, to learn each day. And I felt like I was pretty well-prepared and well-stocked for such a mission. We have the kid Bible, the children's devotional book, the BabyFaith dvd's, the scripture-based lullabies, the wall art, the daily prayer time......... Basically, you name it. We had it.

Well.

It didn't take long for me to come to the realization that instead of me spending countless hours pouring God's Word into my child and "growing" him in the knowledge of Christ, I was the one who was really learning and growing. That's not to say that we still aren't using every opportunity to teach Isaac about God, but the tables have certainly been turned on me. Parenthood has definitely been more about making me holy than anything else.

And I've even noticed growing in different ways with different seasons. In the beginning, when Isaac was brand new, I marveled at God's creation. I soaked in the new life and praised Him for my perfect son. I caught a glimpse of what God's unconditional love was truly like when I was blessed with a child that I was am fiercely in love with. Never before had I experienced such depth to love and once again I marveled at the depth with which God must love me.

Later, when my boy was a little older and things weren't all rosy cheeks and peaceful naps, I learned quickly that I was not the patient, self-controlled person I had always believed myself to be. Afternoons full of tears and frustration led me to a deeper understanding of how God must view his children when they deliberately choose to follow other things. I wanted so desperately for Isaac to choose the "good" way or the "right" things, and even when he didn't, I still had to love him. And be patient with him. And continue to lovingly encourage him. Oh how vast must God's patience be for me!

Now, I am learning what joy truly is. Watching him learn and discover new treasures thrills my heart. His giggles and laughter are so very sweet to hear. He fills my every cell with joy and I am astonished at the thought that I can bring this much joy to my creator.

So while I thought I was teaching my son about Christ, as it turns out, Christ was using my son to teach me more about Himself.



What is your #onebigtruth?

Midweek Confessions 10/9

-I bought a new pair of work shoes recently. My old pair was both stinky stinky stinky and had a hole in the toe. Considering I frequently christen my shoes with amniotic fluid, I wasn't willing to pay a lot of money on them. Thanks to RueLaLa for offering me up some adorable tennies for less than $50. I've worn them for a week now and um, well, while they are ridiculouslycomfortable, they already stink like dirty feet. It's no wonder my coworkers put Odor Eaters in my locker. More than a subtle hint.

-I made a batch of chocolate chip cookies for our MNF meet-up and went out on a cra-ay-ay-azy limb and put not one... or two... but THREE different kinds of chocolate chips in the mix. And I may have already eaten nearly a dozen by myself.

-My husband begged me to play on his fantasy football team this season and like a dutiful wife, I may have reluctantly agreed. Well check out who is on the top of the pack after week #5:

• Standings
 
• Schedule
 
• Playoffs
 
• All Time

Rank	Team	W-L-T	Pts For	Pts Agnst	Streak	Waiver	Moves
1	Hello Nurse	4-1-0	1063.92	887.58	W-2	2	4
2	FiredUp	3-2-0	1010.25	879.93	W-2	3	-
3	Blue Knights	3-2-0	912.43	854.73	W-1	5	10
4	X-men	2-3-0	948.04	984.66	W-1	1	10
5	Minister of Defense	2-3-0	947.71	889.33	L-2	7	4
6	saintspone	2-3-0	911.75	1021.32	L-1	4	5
7	MinerNiners	2-3-0	895.75	1026.16	L-1	8	5
8	sgt. slaughter	2-3-0	884.56	1030.70	L-2	6	13

Last standings update: Wed Oct 09 03:51am EDT

(I'm Hello Nurse) (that means I'm in first place) BOOOYA. My husband would tell you that this fantasy football thing has turned me into a maniac. I don't just want to win. I want to obliterate the competition. My grand plan is that if I can absolutely dominate, that he won't ask me to play again next year. This week I play my husband... and I plan to stomp his face in.

October one.

October used to be such a throwaway type month for me. (September isn't really all that different.)

I'm just not a pumpkin spice latte kinda girl. 

The extent of my fall decor is a wreath. Which I have yet to hang.

I've never lived in a climate that had a true fall season. 

I've never been much into dressing up for halloween.

Basically, in a world of instagram and pinterest, I'm failing miserably in my fall excitement level.

BUT NOW, it is a month to be celebrated! And not because honey crisp apples are back on the shelves... My son will be one year old this month! I am in full party planning mode and so so so so excited about my little mister's birthday. There have been a lot of people who have loved on us this past year and walked beside us and I'm excited to celebrate together. Because, lets face it, the party is less for Isaac (who won't remember it) and more about rejoicing in surviving the first year! ...Ok, so maybe it does have a lot to do with Isaac too. HA! Initially, I was moving in a very "themed" direction with his little party, but now things are a little more loose and a little less perfect and calculated. I like it that way. It's going to be so fun --and I'm thrilled to finally have a gender-specific BOY party! Invitations have been sent out. Party decorations have been purchased. Menu is in the works. Cake & cupcake tasting is this weekend! I am at a bit of a loss when it comes to entertaining a party full of toddlers and small children. I'm literally stuck at coloring pages. What other activities can we have at a boy's birthday party? Also, apparently I need to have goody bags. Gotta work on that too.

This time a year ago, I was hugely pregnant and uncomfortable. I spent some of my evening tonight reading through a few of my late third trimester blogs. It's funny how quickly you forget how miserable you feel with a 9lb baby all cramped up in your belly. Interestingly enough, I find myself assuming the same positions I'd retreat to as a pregnant woman. Like as I type this, I've got a pillow under my right hip. Sometimes I drive down the road with my fist behind my back. So funny. This time a year ago, I was putting together furniture and painting a room and washing little clothes -- both boy clothes and girl clothes. I was on pins & needles wondering what we were having. Can you tell I'm feeling nostalgic?

Not only am I remembering what was going on 12 months ago, I'm reminiscing over the last eleven. Getting to his 11 month milestone was one thing, but now that it's actually October, I'm just hardly holding it all together. One of my dear friends visited today with her 5 week old and I was flooded with all the memories of Isaac as a newborn. I loved being able to cuddle him as a newborn, feeling his little body relax and melt into mine. Then, almost overnight, he became more aware of what was going on around him. Those first little meaningful smiles would set my heart on fire for him. Like a sponge, he started picking up new things and growing into a little boy. Nowadays, he is the most fun of all! Each day just keeps getting better and better.

I look forward to what tomorrow will bring.