L&D funnies

Recent funny moments from the labor unit:

-A baby named Twister

-A sister and brother (not twins!) named Una and Dos

-It's common practice to ask all of our age-appropriate patients whether they plan to tie their tubes after delivery. One of my fellow nurses said her conversation played out a little something like this:

RN: Are you planning on getting your tubes tied?

Patient: Nope

Patient's husband: Hey! Got any idea where I can go to get neutered?

Classy!

I hope all my lovely readers had a wonderful Thanksgiving! Jordan and I certainly did, as we spent the day with family and celebrated the first birthday of my cutie little Nephew, Jackson. We ate until we had to unbutton our pants, which has to be the measure of a meal's success. Now the true Christmas season can start! We are working on getting our tree up and house decorated. Lets all remember that Christmas is NOT about Santa or giving gifts or even White fudge covered Oreos. (swoon) Our true celebration is centered around the miraculous birth of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer! O Come O Come Emmanuel!

Tiny Humans (another L&D post)

It's that time again friends.

thanks again Pinterest.

More from the wacky world of labor and delivery. On a daily basis, we nurses and doctors escort tiny humans out of their mothers' bodies. Lets think for a second how many babies I've delivered over the course of my obstetric career. I did the math the other day (with the aid of a calculator I might add. I'm a nurse, not a pharmacist.). Just bear with me and estimate I deliver 2 babies per day - well after all that useless math, I estimated that I've been involved with somewhere around 1200 babies. Give or take one or two. Now, I don't have any babies of my own, but considering 50% of the OB-GYNs in America are males, I don't think that literally having a baby is a prerequisite to knowing how to have a baby.

And with all this in mind, there are still lots of folks who think they know my job better than I do.

And here's an update (4/12): After months of having this post up and getting all sorts of feedback, I'd just like to step back and make a few declarations of my intention. I never in any way intended for this post to be judgmental or ugly. I never intended to turn people off. I like to think that my writing is light hearted and completely intended this post to be "tongue-in-cheek" so to say. A poking fun at both natural birth AND hospital/intervention birth, if you will. Since neither alternative is right for everyone, can't we just put our differences aside and stop forcing one method over another? Read along (if you so choose) and take it with a grain of salt! Back to Birth Plans!

So today's discussion is all about those lovely ladies who like to call the shots. Literally. All the shots. I think I'll affectionately call it "Birth Plans: Good Luck with that." And before you get all offended at the jaded nurse, let me show you my side of the story.

First, we'll look at the extremists. These are the ladies who refuse IVs, lab work, monitoring, vaginal exams, anesthesia, amniotomy - basically everything. To these women, I say: Go home. Seriously, if your goal is to have a no-intervention birth, then a hospital is not the setting for that to happen. These folks belong in their tub at home with a midwife. Let me make something clear: decades of evidence-based practice has dictated a manual of policies and procedures that if burned, would provide long-lasting heat to an entire Inuit village. I don't make the rules, but I am expected to follow them. Bottom line? I am not putting my license on the line for someone who thinks they should be the exception to all the rules. Please either go home and deliver or be open to appropriate interventions.

And as a side note: the idea that we follow policy that is derived directly from evidence-based practice means that all those little things I do for my patients are not arbitrary.

Now, lets look at those ladies who have a typical birth plan. Number one most important thing to remember (those of you who are pregnant and reading this): the hospital admission isn't the place to premier your birth plan. This is something that you should develop with your delivering physician before your due date- because I'll say it time & time again- your doc writes the orders, not me! I understand there are lots of variables to a normal vaginal delivery and I do believe that people should have some control over their experience. I'm open to special considerations and requests as long as they are also approved by the delivering doctor. Apprehensive about amniotomy? Talk to your doctor. Inflexible about induction? Talk to your doctor. Adamant about anesthesia? Talk to your doctor. Mean business about monitoring? Talk to your doctor. Got the picture?

Here's a truth that's well known to labor nurses and little known to pregnant women: A chart with a birth plan often also includes c-section papers.

What often comes along with low-intervention birth plans? A lack of anesthesia. It's not my business whether or not my patients want an epidural or not. In fact, for the patients who can keep it together, delivering epidural free makes my job a lot easier. The only problem is that most ladies come in completely unprepared for labor. Having a baby is largely regarded as the most painful experience known to man, and yet women who are adamantly against using an epidural will come to the hospital with no game plan for labor. And there's nothing more frustrating than having a patient who is in absolute agony with no coping mechanism. When I do have patients that go epidural free (it still exists!!), I remain largely hands-off. Not all epidural-free deliveries are scream fests. These women know whats up and can vocalize their needs, especially those who are experienced in natural childbirth.

What's the best plan when coming to the hospital to have a baby? Be flexible. Choose a doctor who is supportive of your wishes, make an appropriate labor & delivery plan and go with it. And for goodness sakes, be flexible. There are thousands of variables that can change or go wrong during labor, many of which I have no control over. Be aware that the ultimate goal is the healthiest delivery possible for mom and baby.

And please, for the love of all things lovely, bake your nurse some cookies. It makes all that epidural-free screaming just a little more palatable.

Simply

How deep the Father's love for us.

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give his only son

To make a wretch His treasure.

How great the pain of searing loss.

The father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the chosen one

Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon the cross

My sin upon His shoulders

Ashamed I hear my mocking voice

Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held him there

Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished.

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

What can I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom.

Again with the food?

It seems like I always post about hosting dinners and cooking for groups of people. If you haven't figured out yet that I both enjoy hostessing and baking, well then, you're just not keeping up all that well. Tonight is no different than usual. Jordan and I hosted the rest of the ministers and their families for dinner today.

We had pulled pork sandwiches. It was divine.

Can I just say for a second how much I miss the regional foodie goodies from my hometown in Augusta. I miss good Georgia Barbecue, which is of course, pork. Texans are big on this whole brisket thing, which is good - don't get me wrong - it's just not really barbecue. I anticipate I may lose a reader or two just based on that last statement.

Not only did we have pulled pork sandwiches and homemade barbecue sauce, but my husband made a pot of collard greens and I made a pan of macaroni and cheese. It was glorious. Top it off with a glass of sweet tea and it was like home again.

Except I didn't eat any collards. Not a fan.

The real hero of the meal was dessert, because dessert is always the greatest part of any meal. I made Pioneer Woman's Apple Dumplings and they were a huge hit! I've never made them before, and was reminded more than a few times that it's a no-no to introduce a new recipe when company's over. But I threw caution to the wind and ended up with a super easy, universally loved dessert!

Here we go again with the food. I gotta break the cycle. Next up: A new L&D post featuring my answer to the question about patients who want to go "all natural." Maybe I'll call it "What's up with a Birth Plan?"

But before I sign off, I want to take a minute to say how thankful I am for our church's leadership. We are so fortunate to be on staff with such great men of God. I love that we can meet up at each other's houses and eat and laugh together. It hurts my heart to hear stories of churches with staff problems and we are so thankful to be in a place where the pastors support, respect, and encourage one another. And not only are the pastors great (my hubby included!), but they have some fantastic families as well.

And one more thing. That is completely unrelated to the rest of this post. I went to my first BodyPump class yesterday. Today I thought I'd need Jordan to wash my hair, but I was at one point able to lift my arms above my head. Now that it's late, that might no longer be possible. Despite the soreness, I really enjoyed the class. Thinking I'll be ready to go again on Saturday, if only there was someplace closer than Corpus Christi to take said class. Oh, the woes of small town life.

Today

Why is it the only things I end up gleaning from Pinterest are foods?

I haven't made a rug out of tshirts.

And I haven't made a child's costume out of an umbrella and toilet paper.

And I haven't made wall art from paint chips.

...And I've never been to Boston in the fall.

But what I have made are lots and lots of Pinterest-inspired foods and meals. Feast your eyes on the newest conquest:

"Nutella Puppy Chow" This was the picture that was posted to Pinterest.....

And this was what it actually looked like finished. A little more like for real chow than exhibit A. Can I also just say how much I hate that name? Who really wants to eat puppy chow? I'm staging a revolt. Only, I don't exactly know what to call it. Regardless! It's delicious and addictive. I'll be 100% honest and tell you I made a double batch. I feel a responsibility to feed my coworkers so they get a bag. Tomorrow night is Bible study at our house and we'll have a bag then too. Jordan will take a bag with him to Staff Meeting tomorrow.

I'm channeling a little Oprah right now: "You get a bag! and YOU get a bag! and YOU get a bag!"

Anyway. Make some soon. I couldn't find hazelnuts at our neighborhood Wal-y-marts, so I went with slivered almonds instead and left them whole. It seems to work just fine, because you still have the hazelnut flavor and it gives a nice extra crunch to the mixture. It came together in about 15 minutes which is great when you have some unexpected company coming over. And it's a little dangerous when you're bored and hungry at home by yourself. Be careful.

So after making some Nutella/chocolate/almond crispix mix and taking my lovely and sweet friend Megan a giant chocolate milkshake, I topped my sweet-filled day off with something incredible:

Yes friends, that grainy, iPhone photo is none other than Shane & Shane. Even though I found out THIS MORNING that they were in Robstown, since they're basically my favorite, I hightailed it out there and took in yet another awesome Shanes concert. I just can't say enough about how great these guys are! I've seen them at least half a dozen times in concert and they never disappoint. Even if the "concert" is in the midst of an annual associational meeting. It was a fantastic end to a great weekend.