Waiting

As I sit here in the very early morning hours, unable to sleep due to that strange and ubiquitous pregnancy insomnia, I can't help but feel a flood of emotions. I've moved from the tossing and turning in my wonderfully lovely bed to the rocker in the corner of our baby-to-be's nursery. The house is still and silent with the exception of some little Mauve movements, which are minimal now that she's figured out it's not time to get out of bed. I can hear the leaves rustling in the trees outside the window and I can see my belly moving and twitching with life. So I'll use the next few uninterrupted minutes in the silence to compose a little love note to this little one I've been waiting so patiently to meet.

Dear Baby,

From the very moment I became aware of your existence, my heart has never been the same. Hearing your heart beat and feeling your little arms and legs swim around has rocked me in a way that I would have never known apart from this. My prayers for you have not ceased, imploring our Heavenly Father for health and for life, both physical life and the kind of life that comes from giving over your whole heart to the Lord. My greatest hope and prayer is that you will indeed come to know a joy in Christ that fulfills your very deepest needs and desires and that you will choose to follow Him with all your being. I pray that my heart is prepared for the challenge of teaching, equipping, and caring for you. This task seems so easy these days, as I always know where you are and am assured that you are nourished and protected. But things will certainly change soon. 

I'll be honest, I'm apprehensive about this new chapter. The pair that has been part of my identity for so many years now --almost a dozen!-- will soon be a trio instead. Part of me will mourn the loss of this old way of life, but my grief over a closing door will surely be more than overshadowed by the overwhelming joy you will bring to both of our lives. 

Oh sweet one, we are anxiously waiting for your arrival. The greatest mystery still awaits us. Are you a sweet girl or a handsome boy? Who will you resemble? Will you have lots of hair? What will your little voice sound like? I am riveted with excitement at the thought of meeting you soon, which is a curious paradox considering you've been a part of me from the very beginning. 

You are so loved.