Realizations

1. I have come to realize that my butt:
is just flat. There is nothing I can do to round out my rear end outside of surgery or butt pads. No thanks.

2. I have come to realize that when I talk:
I ramble. I tell stories like a girl. I struggle at times with conversation starters, especially between people I'm somewhat unfamiliar with, but I can ramble on and on if I have something good to talk about. Like cupcakes apparently.

3. I have come to realize that, if I love someone:
I touch them. If I really love someone (platonic or otherwise) in a way that's completely unconditional and open, I touch them. I dont mean this in a dirty way. I am not a touchy-feely person. I dont give out hugs freely. I am uncomfortable around others who are touchy-feely. I've had one person recognize the transformation between non-touchy Hollie & post-comfortable-friendship touchy Hollie. 

4. I have come to realize that I need:
Jesus everyday. Yeah, so I need out of this 700 square foot, mexican ghetto apartment. And I need a raise. And I need a new car. And I need a new set of sheets for our bed and an iPhone. But I need Jesus. 

5. I have come to realize that I have lost:
My faith in my parent's broken marriage. Everyday that goes by, I lose more and more hope in their reconciliation. After 27 years? I'll always hope and pray that they will find each other again, it's the only thing I've ever known. 

6. I have come to realize that, I hate it when:
I keep my "nurse-guard" up around people I love. Due to the nature of my profession, I cant afford to genuinely connect with the people I care for. I keep their best interests (medically-speaking) at heart, sometimes at the expense of their comfort. I keep myself reserved, sometimes at the expense of looking cold. I can hardly handle some of the things I see, and there's a distance that forms as a result. Some days it's hard to let that guard down and be genuine with people close to me. 

7. I have come to realize that, if I'm drunk:
I'm gonna be in big trouble when I get home; a Southern Baptist Preacher's wife does not drink. Therefore, I do not drink. 

8. I have come to realize that, marriage:
 Is the hardest and most wonderful thing in my life; all at the same time.

9. I have come to realize that work:
is just work. I dont have to love my job everyday; it helps, but in the end, it is a means to sustain my husband and I. I can do just about anything for 12 hours. (and just for posterity's sake; i DO love my job just about everyday.)

10. I have come to realize that, I will always be:
A pushover at heart; I'll give someone money who asks for it because I cant lie to them and say I dont have it, when I do. I'll take another patient even though I'm already drowning in paperwork to keep my fellow nurse from taking it. I'll loan out books, movies, music, clothes, and rarely ever ask for them back (unless I need them). 

11. I have come to realize that, I like:
Warm summer days, finding new places, coloring my hair, spending time talking with dear friends.

12. I have come to realize that, the last time I cried was:
Last-last Saturday, when I woke up to Jordan eating a Chick-filA chicken biscuit and thought I'd never be able to taste or eat anything like that again. 

13. I have come to realize that, my cell phone is:
close to death if I keep dropping it

14. I have come to realize that, when I wake up in the morning:
I'm not a morning person unless I can wake up on my own; in other words, I hate the alarm clock. 

15. I have come to realize that, before I go to sleep at night:
I'm a freaking angry monster. I've learned to apologize first thing in the morning for whatever I'd pitched a fit about the night before. This is magnified if i've already fallen asleep on the couch once prior to going to bed.

16. I have come to realize that, right now I am thinking about:
What my answer to #5 will be. I skipped around a bit...

17. I have come to realize that, babies:
They're beautiful little miracles and as predictable as the weather. (as a Labor nurse, some days are good, some days are great, and some days need lots and lots of strong coffee). I look forward to having one of my own. One day. (not soon- dont read into this too much.)

18. I have come to realize that, when I get on Myspace:
It gets harder and harder to log in. I guess it could be because I cancelled my account about 3 months ago.

19. I have come to realize that, today I will:
Have another spoonful of rainbow chip icing and get ready for bed.

20. I have come to realize that, tomorrow I will:
Spend the majority of my day in an operating room, welcoming new life into the world.

21. I have come to realize that, I really want to:
Feel my tongue. Take a nap. Go shopping. Finish a book. Travel to Augusta. Write a book. Go back to school. Buy a house. Make cards & photograph people for a living. Give all my money to someone who needs it more than I do. 

22. I have come to realize that working out:
Is not worth it the days I work 12 hours.

23. I have come to realize that the smallest kernel of hope: Sometimes isn't enough and sometimes can encourage me to do things I never thought were possible.

Side note: It took me a few days to complete this; therefore, some answers are older than others. Thanks Twila for helping me make some realizations about myself.

Current song stuck in my head: My Redeemer Lives!