A Glimpse into my world

Most often, when people learn what I do for a living, curiosity takes hold and people want to know what it's like. What's the grossest thing I've ever seen? (seeing 4th degree tears always make me feel woozy) Does everyone poop while pushing? (I'd estimate about 60% of people do, and it's not a big deal.) What's the weirdest baby name you've heard? (recently? Jedi.) And so on and so forth.

In a word, my job is profane. Sure, bringing life into the world is a wonderful and joyous occasion, but just remember the circumstances leading up to the birth. Labor can get vulgar, dirty and just plain gross. So, be warned!

The top 5 most jaw-dropping, head-scratching patient comments I've heard recently :

1. "Lately, my crotch snot has gotten a little out of hand." -gag.-

2. -after her doc performs a cervical exam- "Good grief, It felt like he was fisting me."

3. Me: Oh! Your baby has the hiccups -which when heard by the baby monitors, is a very very distinctive sound.- Patient: "That's what that is?! I totally thought it was my baby farting."

4. "Earlier today, I had (whispers) a bowel movement, and about 45 minutes later, my butt itched really really bad."

5. "I'm highly allergic to apple juice. Like my throat swells and I get hives. I'm not allergic to apples though, and if the apple juice is mixed in something like a drink or fruit punch, then it doesnt bother me at all." -huh?!-

Welcome to my world. What's something you've always wanted to know about labor & delivery?