Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Whiny Wednesday

Last night when I got home from work I got all kinds of frustrated and vented my "issues" with my sister and husband. So even though I've already done a "confession" post this week, I have something else I'd like to get off my chest. Brace yourself for it...

Sometimes I don't like being pregnant.


Gasp. I said it.

Now, let me explain. Hang in there for just a minute and don't cut me loose immediately. I absolutely treasure the child that I'm carrying. I daydream about what he or she will look like and what kind of personality he or she will have. I adore every little wiggle and kick. My greatest desire is that this child will choose to follow after the Lord with all their being and I pray for this often. I am so overwhelmingly thankful for a healthy, uncomplicated pregnancy. I would never doubt in the Lord's timing and I hope to always cherish the life He has blessed me and my husband with.

But there's one little thing that just bugs the heck out of me.

I am growing increasingly tired of having my physical appearance be under constant scrutiny.

Here's the big paradox: people tell me all the time that it's ok to eat all the junky food I want. I can be a lazy bum. All this because I'm pregnant and I'm supposed to overindulge and gain weight. People gain weight when they're pregnant, so why not abandon all knowledge of health and nutrition just because I have an excuse to do so. Eat 8 servings of ice cream a day! You're eating for two, ya know? Don't have any cravings? Make one up! Tell people you have to eat a brownie with every meal! You can get away with it! Why are you still running? Give yourself a break and go take a nap. You're pregnant! 

The other side of that big paradox is this: the same people encouraging this pregnancy-induced overindulgence also make sideways comments about how my hips are getting big or my butt is getting wider or my face is getting chubbier. Since your hips are getting wider, that means you're carrying a girl. I noticed your butt has really filled out, so that must mean you're having a boy. I can tell you're pregnant just by the way your face has filled out. Are you sure there aren't 2 babies in that belly?

So let me get this straight... you want me to eat pure junk food for 9 months because I have an excuse to pack on 30, 40, even 50+ pounds, but then you're also going to tell me every time you notice my hips getting wider? Am I the only person who hears this from other people??? How is this even remotely okay?!

Sometimes the body comments are even more passive aggressive and underhanded and come in the form of comparison. Oh you're wearing a maternity shirt? I didn't need maternity clothes by the time I was 6 months along, because by that time I'd only gained 5 pounds. Well doesn't that just make me feel absolutely peachy. I'm more than certain it's a personal issue of vanity and pride that's just so deeply rooted in me (and in all women!!) and I so desperately need to break myself away from the ugly cycle of comparison. I certainly resented the scrutiny pre-pregnancy and I'm sure it will continue in new forms on the other side of pregnancy as well. What a lifelong struggle this pride thing is! In the meantime, I do my best to laugh at the negative and focus on the positive.

This whiny Wednesday post has really turned into an explosion of brattiness and insecurity, hasn't it? The unfortunate thing is that I've heard this same frustration expressed by many of my pregnant friends and feeling scrutinized is just not fun. Even though this post is largely negatively charged, I don't want to be altogether misleading in my experience as a pregnant lady. I DO feel like I'm glowy and I DO love my little bump! I have been very fortunate to have so many people make such wonderful comments to me regarding my pregnancy and my ever-expanding appearance. As negative as people feel like they can freely be towards a pregnant woman, I have also been delighted to hear many folks voice such nice things. And for that, I am thankful.

Phew. It feels good to get that out there. Whiny Wednesday: Over and Out.


Samantha (everyshadeinbetween) said...

Totally not bratty at all! It's really hard to have people make comments about your appearance all the time. And I think it's okay to not like it and vent about it. It certainly bothers me! And it doesn't mean you don't love your baby, it just means that you don't love nasty comments people make who believe they can say whatever they want!

Analisa said...

WOW...that is INSANE. My jaw was on the floor as I read your post. I can't believe that people have said things like that to you. So sorry for their rudeness. You look AMAZING!! I'm a few weeks behind you (21 weeks tomorrow) and I hope that in another month, when I'm 24 weeks, I look as amazing as you do in your 24 week picturs! :D

Melissa said...

I hated the "eating for two" comment. Yes, an adult, and a fetus... a tiny, tiny, fetus.


Now, enough complaining, and post a pic, lady!

Jamie said...

Yes...I hate all of those comments too!! Pretty much every day the lunch lady at school would comment on my weight and about how big I was...I found myself quickly trying to find an excuse or back out of the situation...I hated feeling uncomfortable and I'm just not putting up with it this time around. I know that I've had three pregnancies back to back with very little time in between but it's a personal choice and my body is obviously showing it but it's not their body so they can back off. :-) And I mean all of that in the nicest way Anyway, don't feel alone in those feelings as this is my third time feeling them and maybe I should have gotten over them a while back but they still manage to bother me. More that I have to pray about. :-) Other than this issue, I really hope things are going well for you.

kristen said...

It's awful!! People have no filter! I have been told how "fat" I am with all 5 pregnancies! People told me I carried all of my weight in my face and that I look like I'm about to pop even though I have 3 months left still! I am sure they are trying be mean.. But give it a rest already! So sorry.. Hang in there, though! The comments still come even when the baby is out, too!

Jaci said...

I hear ya sister friend. I am having a boy with my now wider hips, even though we don't know what we are having.


So I'm going to coach myself instead of you, because really, who needs advice? I'm going to choose to revel in it. I'm going to hope I actually don't look like a flat chested 12 year old for the rest of my life and that is where all my weight gain goes. And my bigger butt will now be referred to as some sultry hips. Scrutinize away friends, but I'm going to choose to see my bigger self through rose colored glasses for at least five minutes.
Have an awesome weekend. Thanks for your prayers.

Whitney said...

Preach on. Preach on. I hear ya :)

Rachel said...

Just now reading this and YES!! I feel the same way sometimes. i love my baby girl in a way I didn't even know was possible, and I love my bump 99% of the time, but you're so right. Sometimes it would just be nice to "turn off" the pregnancy for a night.

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