Pure Hilarity

So I'm at work yesterday... 

And already, here's a side note: To all pregnant ladies: When your elective induction falls on the day of a major ice storm and it takes you 3 hours to get to the hospital due to closed roads and horrible ice-induced wrecks, STAY HOME. Inductions can be rescheduled, and it's not worth your life or your baby's life. Seriously, we had 8 inductions yesterday. There was half an inch of ice coating my car and every road between me and the hospital. Every Last Induction Was At The Hospital On Time. Idiots. Half of the staff, however was not there, which made for a great day. 

...back to the story.

I get this call: *ring ring* 

Me: Labor & Delivery, this is Hollie

Preggo: Hi, um, yes, I was, um, calling to talk to a nurse, um, I have a question.

Me: Go ahead

Preggo: Oh. Ok. Um, this morning, when I was using the bathroom, um, I had some bleeding.

Me: Ok, how many weeks pregnant are you?

Preggo: I'm a month. 

Me: Okkkkk, describe to me your bleeding, was it bright red, was it brownish, was it a lot, was it very little?

Preggo: Well, it was a really really light pink, on my tissue when I wiped

Me: (After explaining the idea of implantation spotting... what a concept.) Who is your doctor?

Preggo: Well I just got approved for Medicaid... blah blah blah... havent made an appointment yet.... blah blah blah

Me: Are you having any pain?

Preggo: Well no, but the last time this happened, I did have a lot of pain and I ended up having a miscarriage. (I at this time, resist the urge to tell her, your last 4 week pregnancy didnt end in a miscarriage, it ended in a period. That's what happens during your 4th week.) But this time, I'm not having any back pain like last time.

Me: Well that's nice. 

Preggo: I felt the baby move yesterday! 

Me: (Laughing a lot on the inside) Um, How far along are you, again?

Preggo: 1 month. I'll be 2 months along next month!! (genius. Seriously, GENIOUS.)

Me: Okaaaaay. Well, you have 3 options. Number one, well, who did you say was your doctor again? (because she couldnt shut up about medicaid long enough to give her doc's name)

Preggo: Dr. So&So (the names have been changed to protect the innocent)

And the rest of the conversation plods on until I finally convince her to either call her doctor or go to the ER- not labor & delivery, as we dont care for babies the size of a fingernail. 

This person procreated.