Thursday, April 2, 2009

Still no recipe...

Ok, so I know I've put off this recipe for too long already (it's yummy!!!), but I've just GOT to share some side splitting things I heard from my patient today. When her doc called over to give orders, he warned us she was a little ... vapid. And vapid was an understatement. She was a total idiot bimbo head. Seriously. I have proof. Here are a few random statements, starting from the beginning:

-Upon entering the room, the patient was in her gown standing at the mirror putting on makeup. There was a puddle around her feet, which just so happened to be amniotic fluid. She came in because her water broke. I ... still dont understand why she wasnt wearing a pad or towel or something. She was oblivious.

-"I need to talk to somebody about getting insurance"

-While filling out her admit paperwork, she points to the sheet where it says *street address*: "Uhh, does that mean MY house? Like do I put my HOME address there?" 

-Then: "Oh my gosh, what in the WORLD is a next of kin?" 

-After learning she could list her mother as a next of kin she turns to her mom: "umm, How do you spell your name again??" 

-"What's a bowel movement?"

-Before putting in her foley: " (panicked)HOW am I going to have a baby with THAT thing in there?!?!!!"
Me: "well, first off, we take the catheter out before you start pushing"
Her: "But what if you're not here when I'm pushing?"
Me: "I'll be here."
Her: "But what if it's too late?!!"
Me: "Well you could have a baby around a foley, but we'll make sure and take it out before you deliver, dont worry."
Her: "But...."
Me: "Let me ask you a question... can you pee with a tampon in?"
Her: "well, yeah."
Me:  "Then this is the same principle. The catheter goes in a different hole."

- (from her mom, also a few cents short of a dollar): "When she was little, I'd give her robitussin, and it would kill her platelets and she would have a nosebleed. I'd probably consider that a drug allergy."

- (also from mom): "She would have such gushing nosebleeds when she was little. I think she has Von Willebrands! (a complex disease characterized by a deficiency of a protein that is used for platelet adhesion)
Me, to the patient: "Well, all of your labwork looks fine, but have you been tested for Von Willebrands?"
Mom: "Oh she never got tested, they didnt have tests for that way back when she was born. (She was born in the 90s. That's 1990s, not 1890s.) But I think you need to know, just to be on the safe side, if something happens, her platelets will stop working, so maybe you should have some blood on hold. (Blood? What about platelets?)

This person procreated. 


Melissa said...

:) laughter has brightened my day, dah-ling.

The Lowry Place said...

HOLY MOLY! That is a bit scary. WOW

Nancy said...

I am STILL laughing! Oh, that is too funny!!!! Scary thing to think she just had a baby.....

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