Six months ago today, I was sitting in a hospital bed with a particularly sore bottom and a lot of squish where baby used to reside. Fast forward to today and there's still a lot of squish where baby used to reside.
As for that other symptom, well, we won't discuss my bottom on the blog. Even though I already did. And it's all better. This is awkward now....so...um, onward & forward.
To say that I hate my current body is a mostly true statement. Sure, I have moments where I lovingly remember that this body grew and nourished my treasured boy for many months. But to be perfectly honest, those moments are fleeting. Furthermore, the older Isaac gets, the less I think on my body in a kind way and the more I just feel hideous. I struggle to fit into all of my clothes. I analyze each bulge and dimple in the mirror and grow increasingly displeased. My body just isn't the same anymore and I don't know if it'll ever really be back again. Surprisingly, the numbers on the scale look a lot closer to my pre pregnancy weight than my clothes or reflection would tell. It's an enigma, but it holds to the truth that numbers aren't everything.
And so the battle begins.
I think I've given myself a little too much leeway in thinking that breastfeeding covers all dietary sins. Uh, newsflash coming here... nursing doesn't always make the baby weight "melt" off. For me in my corner of the world, it hasn't done much of anything except turn Mr. Isaac into a little chunk (which I am endlessly proud of). I was surprised to find out that I am hungry 94% of the time now that I'm making gallons of breast milk. I don't really know what I was expecting, but I truly feel like now I'm "eating for two." Plus, if I don't eat when I'm hungry, I start to feel like absolute death. So, I eat. Often. I am determined to continue nursing my little guy, so the food-shoveling continues. To further add insult to injury, instead of keeping a ready stock of healthy snacks and cooking nutritious meals, I grabbed whatever was closest, fastest, and edible. While there has been a lot of self-disclosure so far, I would be red-faced and ashamed to admit some of my eating choices.
There's a lot of damage to undo.
Oh, and do you remember that thing I used to blog about a lot? Yeah, I haven't done a lot of running lately. And by a lot, I mean none. I have a college ruled sheet of paper's worth of excuses, but in the end, I just need to get back to the pavement. I even have new running shoes, so what gives? Time breeds time and before I blinked, it'd been months since my last good run. Instead of carving out time to exercise, I carved out time for a shower. Or a blog. I'd love to run another half marathon in the future, but for today, I'd feel pretty accomplished to complete a two mile run without dying or hurling.
But today is as good a day as any to start moving in a different non-junk food, non-couch potato direction. Operation: Skinny Bottom is on like Donkey Kong. For starters, it's time to increase water and exercise, decrease soda and lazies. I'll post O:SB updates to my Facebook (so go "like" it if you haven't already), both for accountability and to chronicle my *fingers crossed* achievements.
It's time for a change.